I'd like to thank the Academy

For once again proving that the easiest way to win an Oscar pool is to figure out which movie is going to win the most awards, and then selecting that film's nominees in all the "little" categories (e.g., cinematography, art direction...). I momentarily forgot my own rule when I chose House of Flying Daggers over Aviator, but that was mostly wishcasting, I guess. Plus I got lucky with Original Score, which was a wild-ass guess that turned out right.

Aaron's right - picking the Oscars is mostly a game of cynicism, but at least you can get worked up over your choices to the point where you don't have to think quite as much about the injustice of it all.

As for the actual ceremony, it was pretty blah - even more so than usual. I was glad to see Payne and Taylor and Kaufman walk away with awards; they were well deserved. MDB was a surprise; we were all totally off the mark on that one. I guess I'm surprised, but I shouldn't be. Oh well.

So what's the front runner for next year - Jarhead? The New World? Che? Son of the Mask?

Oscars

Set to begin in a few moments. I don't know what time the actual awards start, though. The first two hours could be the succession of dresses, tuxedos, jewelry, brittle AARP card-carrying fashion correspondents, carpets (what's the difference between a rug and a carpet anyway? Doesn't the move-ability of the Red Carpet make it more of a rug?), and what not that nobody pretends to care about yet everyone secretly fawns over. Except me, of course.

The big stories going into the Oscars seem to be 1, that everyone's got MDB as a lock for best picture, which makes no sense to me, and 2, Cate Blanchett is favored as the Supporting Actress, which makes sense since Hollywood loves nothing more than staring into the limid pool of its own relevancy. Whatever. At least it might make things interesting for the Oscar pool, which I am sure to win (Annette Bening? Come on.).

Today's Headline: The Last Waltz is good

Muddy Waters sure has trouble spelling the words "man" and "boy." It just goes to show you that grade school is overrated.

Allow me to comment on my own post.
Comment 1: Shouldn't I be editing? Yes.

Striking the Tuffet

The following link will take you to the sale of a vintage poster featuring Howard Keel as he strikes the tuffet of Kathryn Grayson.

http://www.moviegoods.com/assets/product_images/1020/197119.1020.A.jpg--we buying this Jody?

But folks that scene is far from the most offensive part of this 1953 musical, this is a film that features Ann Miller dancing with three men and repeating the lyrics, "I'll take Dick, I'll take a Dick, I'll take a Dick..." Not to mention Howard Keel's oh so giant penis bulging out of his tights in as many scenes as possible. I can only assume it was in his contract that his penis had to appear 43 times larger than that of any of the male supporting cast.

Oh dear, while we're at it, here's a poster for Howard Keel and Tommy Rall's 1954 follow-up musical, none other than the classic Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
http://www.moviegoods.com/assets/product_images/1020/174231.1020.A.jpg

Nothing spices up a blog like a little 50s style sexism.

Constantsuck (Suckstantine?)

Every year needs at least one dreadful comic book adaptation and, following in the footsteps of Daredevil and Van Helsing, Constantine did not disappoint (in disappointing that is).

As long as we're talking about remakes though (are we still talking about remakes?), Constantine is a movie that begs to be remade in 15 years, 'cause there really is a good movie in there somewhere trying to get out from underneath the endless digital effects and low angle Keanu shots.

An interesting note, the whole time I thought there was a horrible disconnect between the writer and director, the script was obviously for an action/fantasy comedy but was directed as if it were serious and had depth and what not. When the credits rolled, I learned that the director actually co-wrote the script, I guess we'll just have to chalk that one up to schizophrenia.

Transcript of my TV class section (slightly summarized)

Context: We were watching two episodes of the Twilight Zone, and comparing the style of each.

Moron #1: I didn't really find it scary at all, but I guess its 'cause its old. Its kinda like how my parents were really scared when they saw Psycho, but seen today, its not very scary.

Isaac: What're you talking about? Psycho is like one of the scariest movies ever made.

(Isaac's Thoughts: Shit. Did I say that out loud?)

TA: I think your right about the episode. Not to get off topic, but I don't think that really applies to Psycho.

Isaac: (Sigh of relief)

TA: What Psycho did is that it didn't show you everything, which I think can actually be a lot scarier, which is what this episode tried to do, but probably failed ultimately. Horror movies are an interesting topic for style though. Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one where I think there is a great combo of those ideas, they show you a lot of gore, but at the sametime a lotta the great suspense comes from when shes running through the woods and stuff like that.

Moron #2: Yeah! I loved Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That movie was so scary.

TA: You're talking about the original right?

Moron #2: No, the remake. It was amazing.

Moron Chorus: (Overlapping) Oh that movie was so scary.
I was so freaked.
That movie is hella good.

TA: Hmm. I haven't seen the remake.

Moron #2: You have to, its great. I dunno, the original just seems to unrealistic, its kinda goofy.

Isaac: What?!! The movie is great entirely because of its realism. The whole point is the gritty documentary style. The remake ruined that by just making everything glossy and pretty.

Isaac's Thoughts: Holy shit, you fucking morons! You're lucky I am even expending my breath explaining this to you!

TA: Well anyway, back to the episodes...

Isaac's Thoughts: Shit, I shouldn't have said anything. Now I'm just the weirdo that must have something against Jessica Biel.

On Indy 4

So in a recent interview about War of the Worlds, Speilberg said this after complimenting Koepp on how fast he was able to write that script, "and sometimes you really are intent on making a picture, you know, like I was with Indy 4, in which case my producer didn't like the script as much as I did, but in the sense of, you know, my intention was to make Indy 4 ago and it didn't work out." This "producer" is of course George Lucas, my question is this: Is calling him "my producer" and not "my pal George Lucas" or "my partner on the film" an underhanded insult, or is it saving face for Lucas?

It looks like Jeff Nathanson is writing a new script from scratch. Lucas at his finest, replacing Darabont with Nathanson. A smart move, I mean, when compared to The Terminal, The Shawshank Redemption is just garbage.

Fanny och Alexander

Fanny and Alexander. Of course I am speaking of the three hour Swedish classic. Naturally, I attempted to acquire the original five hour version but was unable to find it at the local blockbuster. Ahh, little Fanny, frolicking in a puddle outside his parents' home in southern Sweden brings to me visions of my own youth. Alexander, slowly dying of tuburculosis, and still managing to finish his final water color on parchment of the Virgin Mary laying her dead son to rest in the snow by the foot of a lone pine tree. This is all uneducated conjecture as I have not yet seen the movie.

I apologize for not being entirely honest with you.

I apologize for not revealing my true feelings. I apologize for not telling you sooner that you are a degenerate, sadistic old man, and you can go to hell before I apologize to you now or ever again.


Anyway, this blog is losing all its momentum. I call upon you gentlemen to come up with some posts before the weekend is over, 'cause if you think I've got better things to do then check this blog 5 times a day, you're dead wrong.

Did I say Evil Dead 4? I meant to say, shut up we're doing the goddam remake!

Well, in a predictable move, Raimi backs off from comments he made about a possible Evil Dead 4. He now says that he can't promise he'll make a 4th, but he is interested in doing it, and that if there is a 4th it will certainly be directed by him. So it seems the whole promising a 4th film slipped out in his attempts to quell the growing disappointment over the planned production of a remake. Again though, in this new interview he says, "I don't feel pictures, even if they are remakes, [are] ever going to take away from the original." I beg to differ.

Remakes encourage film ignorance. Nothing more than this type of ignorance can make a movie geek want to crush the soul of every living thing on the planet. Mr Raimi, don't tell me that kind of stuff unless you've sat in your high school physics class and had to listen to the dumbfucks, who are drowning you with their very presence, as their voices burn your brain cells during their discussion of how great that new Jessica Biel movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre is, without any knowledge that it is a remake of the scariest film ever made. Not only do conversations like these destroy the lifeforce of all non-moron listeners, but it seems to me that they are a slap in the face to Tobe Hooper and his timeless classic. Hell, its not just a slap in the face, its a shit on the lap, or perhaps more appropriately, a jizz in the eye.

(Too lewd? Sorry if I've lowered the class of our blog, fellas.)

Evil Dead: a remake and a sequel

That's right, Raimi and Tapert confirmed that not only will their new production company, Ghost House, exec produce an Evil Dead remake, but that after Spidey 3, Raimi, Tapert and Campbell plan on reuniting for an Evil Dead 4.

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/index.php?Show=3270&Template=newsfull


Well, not only do I still stand firmly oppsed to an Evil Dead remake, but now its seems even more pointless if they're gonna follow it up with a sequel to Army of Darkness, which is what we all wanted anyway. All along I thought the remake was a consolation prize for us fans because we'll never get a sequal, but perhaps its a way to lower our expectations so that we'll love 4 even more. Raimi's got Spider-man now, so maybe the Evil Dead franchise is not as important to him, but personally I think he shouldn't insult Bruce Campbell by ever letting another actor play the role of Ash. Bruce owns that role as much as anyone has ever owned a role in the history of film, why tarnish the legend? It would be easy to assume that Raimi wants to do the remake for the money it will finally earn this time around, but I don't believe that, he's made plenty of money with Spider-man and there's simply no way that he is motivated by greed. We all know he pretty much seems like the nicest guy to ever live. Yes, but therein in may lie the problem. Kindness. I guess thats the only explanation I can figure, he's just so damned nice he'll let someone shit all over the legendary movie series he has created. Now, in his own words he says he thinks both the original Dawn of the Dead and the remake are great horror films, thus he'll let someone else put their own spin on Evil Dead. In theory this sounds fine, I also enjoyed the DOTD remake. I guess I just have a gut feeling that an Evil Dead remake is a one way ticket to misfortunedale, which is only a short stop on your way to disasterville, where you then catch a train to monstrosityberg and eventually end up in San Cataclysmo.

Perfect Shmerfect

In a perfect world there would have been more than one deserving role up for Best Actress. Whatever. But here's how things should be with what we got this year:

Actor: Paul Giamatti
Supporting Actor: Clive Owen
Actress: Hilary Swank
Supporting Actress: Virginia Madsen
Animated Feature: The Incredibles
Art Direction: Kill Bill Vol. 2
Cinematography: House of Flying Daggers
Costume Design: House of Flying Daggers
Directing: Michael Mann
Documentary: The Five Obstructions
Film Editing: Collateral
Foreign Language Film: Bad Education
Makeup: Passion of the Christ
Picture: Sideways
Sound Editing: The Incredibles
Sound Mixing: The Aviator
Visual Effects: Harry Potter
Adapted Screenplay: Sideways
Original Screenplay: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

My perfect world

Well done , Mike. Here are my picks, again regardless of actual nomination.

Actor-Jamie Foxx (Ray)
Supporting Actor-Tom Cruise (Collateral)
Actress-Hilary Swank (MDB)
Supporting Actress-Virginia Madsen (Sideways)
Animated Feature-The Incredibles
Art Direction-The Aviator
Cinematography-Man on Fire
Directing-Clint Eastwood (MDB)
Documentary-Going Upriver
Film Editing-Collateral
Foreign Language Film-Bad Education
Makeup-Dawn of the Dead
Original Score-Million Dollar Baby
Original Song-Shine Your Light (Ladder 49)
Picture-The Aviator
Sound Editing-The Incredibles
Sound Mixing-The Aviator
Screenplay-Sideways
Visual Effects-The Aviator

In a perfect world

If I was voting for the oscars (having also picked my own nominees) here is how I would vote:

Actor-Paul Giamatti (Sideways)
Supporting Actor-Jammie Foxx (Collateral)
Actress-Annette Benning (Being Julia)
Supporting Actress-Virginia Madsen (Sideways)
Animated Feature-The Incredibles
Art Direction-A Very Long Engagement
Cinematography-House of Flying Daggers
Directing-Michael Mann (Collateral)
Film Editing-Collateral
Makeup-The Passion of the Christ
Original Score-Million Dollar Baby
Best Picture-Sideways
Sound Editing-The Incredibles
Sound Mixing-The Incredibles
Adapted Screenplay-Sideways
Original Screenplay-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

-Mike

On the Evil Dead remake

Yes, it was recently confirmed that Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert and Bruce Campbell will executive produce a remake of the first Evil Dead. In a moment of true geekdom, heeding the words of Groucho Marx that "if you have anything of importance to discuss, go to the top," I sent an email to Bruce Campbell. Here it is for your reading pleasure.

Mr. Campbell,

I'm sure you've gotten plenty of these emails recently, but since I couldn't get the webmaster of DeaditesOnline to put up a petition that we could all sign, I thought I'd just have to fill up your email box like everyone else.

In a recent interview Mr. Tapert said, "As long as we stay true to what was the original model of the first Evil Dead, which was that we want to hurt and punish the audience, then those who love it will be satisfied." As a fan who buys every Evil Dead dvd edition that comes out and makes everyone who enters my dorm room check out my Evil Dead: Book of the Dead Edition signed by you, I am simply submitting that a remake that isn't directed by Raimi and does not star Bruce Campbell will never satisfy us fanatics. I may sound like a spoiled little punk who is simply procrastinating from doing his astronomy homework by complaining to you about a movie that hasn't even been made yet, but I can only assume that the impetus to make this film is the constant calls for Evil Dead 4 from spoiled little punks like me. If that's the case, I'm sorry we bug you guys about it so much. The problem is that even if this remake gets made, I'll be standing in line to see it on the first day 'cause that is the very nature of being a geek, and it'll probably make loads of money, but that doesn't make it right. I think its simply the humble side of Mr. Raimi that makes him think the film is important to so many of us because of its name and premise, this is not the case. The film is important to so many of us because of Raimi's own personal brand of genius filmmaking, your charisma and physicality, and Tapert's odd desire to see women raped by trees or tied up in chains and led by skeletons.

If Sam really wants to do it, I respect that, obviously he can do whatever he wants with the franchise, but if he is doing it because he thinks he is giving us what we want, please tell him that I, and all my friends, humbly reply, "Thanks, but no thanks." The trilogy already contains enough terror/joy for a lifetime.

-Isaac Pingree

Santa Cruz, CA

PS If you're really set on doing the remake, at least let me direct it.

There it is. Unfortunately, I fear that we will soon have a garbage version of Evil Dead to go along with the horrendous remakes of Texas Chainsaw and Assault on Precinct 13. I will now go cry.

A Few Quick Words on Collateral

1. The first fifteen minutes are as good any fifteen minutes of film to come out since they invented minutes.

2. Mark Ruffalo - as Mike pointed out to me today, how is this guy not in Miami Vice with Jamie Faxx instead of Colin Farrell?

3. I didn't buy the cell phone running out of batteries the first time I saw it and I still don't buy it now. It's just silly.

All in all, as good an action flick to come out since I don't know when. Seriously, how many action movies with even half a brain come around the horn these days? What was the last one, Die Hard?

The Insider is still without question my favorite Michael Mann movie, but this one comes pretty close. Of course, it's been a good ten years since I've seen Last of the Mohicans, so maybe I should revisit that one before making a final judgment.

Michael Mann is the best director working today.

Finding Neverland to be crap

Finding Neverland was nominated for 7 academy awards. It is the worst film of the year.

Best Actor-Johnny Depp
Mr. Depp has never in his otherwise illustrious career looked more bored on screen than he did during this hour and 46 minutes of putrid, saccharine crap. I would much rather stare at my own, far more entertaining feces. This film does not pass Isaac's test.

Best Art Direction
This movie contained a giant pink butterfly which, I believe, sparkled. Cut from Johnny Depp, mouth slightly ajar and eyelids drooping, to the most hideously ugly garden of plastic space creatures, err, fairies, to which I have borne witness.

Best Costume Design
The scary space fairies are actually wearing white dresses, not hideous space suits like I thought. Good job costume guys.

Best Film Editing
For this film to be any more boring the editor would have to have added film to the raw footage instead of cutting it. A good editor would have cut Finding Neverland down to a 30 second spot for budweiser. Maybe it could have gotten into the super bowl.

Best Original Score
For each pixie stick sucking scene, Jan Kaczmarek was there to shove shit unto thy face with a drive-one-to-hara-kiri score.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Allan Knee's play, ''The Man Who Was Peter Pan,'' was dark and brooding (I've seen it several times both off broadway and in the revival version at Lincoln Elementary where I thought 8 year old Kyle Nordbaum did wonders with J.M. Barrie). This script is crap.

Best Picture
I would say not.

Million Dollar Baby Controversy

As long as this is hot topic, I thought I'd throw in my two cents. How come these same conservatives aren't going nuts over crap like the Assault on Precinct 13 remake? Thats a movie in which just about all but one cop is corrupt and we're supposed to root for the murdering master criminal played by Laurence Fishbourne; we are supposed to cheer as faceless cop after faceless cop is killed. Just to make my position clear, I'm not saying I would like them go after Assault on Precinct 13 for these reasons, but as long as general killing is no problem, can't they lay off Eastwood for what happens in MDB?

As long as I've brought up Precinct 13, just to make my position more clear, it is not a bad film because we are supposed to like a murderer, many films such as the original Precinct 13 have a similar premise and are great. Rather, the new Assault on Precinct 13 is bad because it fails the most simple test I give a movie: Is it better than staring at your own feces for 2 hours?

Fast Eddie

That's right, I bought The Hustler special edition dvd yesteray. What really put the icing on the dvd cake, though, is the Leonard Maltin blurb on the front cover, "Newman is Outstanding." Whoa!! Whats that?!? Quite a bold critical stance there Lenny. Personally, I had no idea Newman could act and was enlightened by Maltin's wisdom. I only hope he has the courage and insight to provide Brando with a similar quote on the Streetcar dvd.

But watching The Hustler again brought to my attention the fact that my top ten is probably due for another re-working, its been a good year since the last time I've done so. I may just have to make room for The Hustler and McCabe & Mrs. Miller, on second thought, I better see what Maltin thinks of Warren Beatty's performance before I make any hasty changes. Anyway, sometime in the next month or so, I'll probably publish a revised top ten favorites of all time list.

Define "Perfect," Please

So Mike, Aaron and I watched A Perfect World last night, which was especially interesting in light of all the Million Dollar Baby hullaballoo going on; if you don't know about the protests for the latter - and you've seen the movie - I would recommend reading Roger Ebert's great analysis of the controversial aspects of the film here.

As the biggest fan of Million Dollar among the four of us, I was probably the most excited to see Perfect World. I know that Eastwood's directorial career throughout the 90's was a little spotty, but even when he is saddled with a lackluster script or a ridiculous concept, he usually finds ways to add weight and meaning to the story in interesting ways. Some critics - Stephanie Zacharek of Salon is one that springs immediately to mind - have complained that Million Dollar's cinematography was over-reliant on black spaces with big, bright bulbs that Clint et al. could stand under and look tortured. Personally, I felt the black-and-white contrast of the film's lighting emphasized the rigidity of the film's characters, and beyond that, I just like the way that kind of stark lighting plays over actors' faces; it lets them look a little bit like a living Rorschach blot. Reminds me of Caravaggio, to some degree.

But back to A Perfect World. This was Eastwood's follow-up to Unforgiven, my favorite film of his, and from what I can gather, it got a mostly positive reception upon its arrival. Overall, it's a fairly solid film, but man, does it pull some cornball moves every once in a while. Eastwood plays a Texas Ranger on the trail of Kevin Costner, an escaped convict holding a boy hostage, and the first half of the film sets up Eastwood's relationship with Laura Dern, a criminal psychologist. It's the most cliched old school-versus-new-school stuff you can think of for a while, with Bradley Whitford hanging around not doing much of anything other than setting up the movie's treacly ending. Costner starts out the movie with a partner that's equally cartoonish, and unsurprisingly the movie gets a lot better once he's out of the picture.

As usual, Eastwood does a great job of allowing the characters to express themselves at their own pace and not intruding on the narrative with camera tricks or whiz-bang sequences, but the script is so cardboard that there's only so much he can do. Gilding a turd and all that, I guess. A disappointing follow-up to Unforgiven, which shouldn't surprise me too much considering David Webb Peoples wrote that one and the immortal John Lee Hancock of The Alamo fame wrote Perfect World. Ah well. We'll always have Mystic River.

Isaac (ahem...last year's winner) Predicts...

Actor-Foxx
Supporting Actor-Freeman
Actress-Hilary Swank
Supporting Actress-Cate Blanchett
Animated Feature-The Incredibles
Art Direction-The Aviator
Cinematography-The Aviator
Directing- Eastwood
Documentary Feature- Born Into the Brothels
Film Editing-Collateral
Foreign Language Film-The Sea Inside
Makeup-Lemony Snicket's...
Original Score-The Passion
Original Song-Polar Express
Picture-The Aviator
Sound Editing-Spider-Man 2
Sound Mixing-The Aviator
Visual Effects-Harry Potter
Adapted Screenplay-Sideways
Original Screenplay-The Aviator