And Now I Will Make Everyone Hate Me

http://www.observer.com/pages/frontpage4.asp

A very funny, angry, and smart shot across the bow of modern film's worship of referentiality by Ron Rosenbaum. At times Rosenbaum goes too far, but it's better than not going far enough.

I'm going to get called an idiot for posting this and/or agreeing with anything this guy says, but why should I let that stop me?

A Feather on your Funnybone

This gave me a tickle:

http://mrbeaks.typepad.com/for_no_good_reason/2005/04/on_avoiding_cli.html

There was a very long article on "The Interpreter" in the last issue of Creative Screenwriting. I didn't read it because the weight and portentousness of the thing seemed entirely due to the fact that Frank, Randolph, Pollack et al were willing to give CW a relatively exclusive look at their creative process, and therefore CW felt obligated to show them all the dumb, panting affection of a puppy allowed inside the house for the first time. So far the reviews of the film have been middling, and I believe them. Frank has been one of the best stable scripters of the last ten years or so, and Zaillian has had his share of sucess as well, but there seems to be the distinctly oil-and-nicotine scented perfume in the air redolent of too many cooks huddling over the soup.

Seb, I Love You

(This is in response to the previous posts, get yourself up to date if ya ain't already.)

I hate to have the homosexual undertones of The Gravekeeper misinterpreted, so I've decided just to put everything out in the open. The film is an expression of the sexual desires that Aaron and I have for Seb, but until now have kept hidden.

1. The object of the film is to kill the queen zombie, played by none other than Ms. Pearce, Sebastian's real-life girlfriend.

2. The phallus she holds, that our two protagonists steal from her, is, more specifically, Seb's penis.

3. The hoards of zombies, controlled by Jody, that kill Thomas (Aaron) represent society, which hardly condones monogamous homosexual relationships and would never let the three of us live our lives together as three pieces of one heart, in a polygamous marriage.

4. And so it ends with a duel between Jody and myself, fighting over the wand (Seb's tallywhacker).

5. In the end, I gain control of Seb's penis, and as this empowers both of us, I use it to slay Jody.

6. The twist of the story comes when I leave it in Jody's head. I leave Jody and Seb with their lifeless relationship, I leave Thomas in the basement, and forge out into the night. My character decides that without all three of us together, we will always feel incomplete.

In the film it is a tragic ending. In real life, we all go back to our regular lives as they are now, anxiously awaiting the day when we can realize our dream to have a wholesome, happy, healthy, homosexual threesome.

I See Dead People...And It's Sexy

So this was supposed to be a comment on the previous post, but Blogger ate it and I figured what the hell, might as well give it its own space to breathe.

So, if you haven't read about homoerotic themes cropping up in movies, and how they apply to "The Gravekeeper." see below. If you have, here are the facts of the case, which you can imagine, if you will, as the teeth of a chainsaw painted all the colors of the rainbow, cheerfully digging into the neck of a homophobe:

1. Our two heroes begin their story in a graveyard, stealing a wand from a comatose woman (a clear metaphor for the attempted reclamation of the captured, severed male phallus from the heterosexual woman). One hero is confident and forthright in the act of reclaiming the phallus (aka out), while his conflicted friend, who considers the act to be dangerous, and perhaps heretical (aka closeted), worries about the spiritual consequences.

2. When the confident hero leaves to get an article of clothing he has left in the graveyard, the conflicted hero is left alone to deal with one of what will be many flesheating zombies, who stand in for the hordes of bloodthirsty heterosexual hegemonists, singularly intent on tearing the homosexual ethos to pulpy shreds. The two heroes battle the straight zombies to a standstill, weakened from the conflicted hero's continued closeted behavior.

3. Enya.

4. Following the liebe-morte of his "out" friend/life partner/Reach-around downtown Jimmy Brown, the conflicted hero, covered in the life-force of his vaquished companion, is reborn as the rainbow warrior, hacking through the dominant paradigm-enforcing zombies until he is confronted once again by the castrating, phallus-ossifying Straight Queen. The queen attempts to reclaim the hero's wand-phallus, but he evades her and finally impales her with it, thus ending the marginalization of the gay man in the world of dead sexuality (aka the hetero lifestyle).

Fresh from invorgorating sexual conquest/zombie slaying, our hero struts off into the night, strapped with every kind of sex toy imaginable, and ready for a lifetime of healthy and happy teabagging.

For those who are interested in more teaba...I mean, a more thorough discussion of the themes of hot man-on-man se...oh screw it. In through the out door, people. It's the wave of the future.

Jake LaMotta, You Are Ghetto Fabulous

David Thomson on gay themes in major Hollywood films, including Raging Bull, The Godfather, and Casablanca:

http://enjoyment.independent.co.uk/film/features/story.jsp?story=628170

Raging Bull, specifically, has always carried an air of homosexuality in my mind - La Motta's comparison of his hands to Joe Louis's, etc. The Godfather seems like a bit of a stretch, but there are so many films that deal with the idea of intensely manly themes, men living with men and only wanting men, that sort of thing. I won't dismiss it. A few others off the top of the head:

1. "Fight Club" - "We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is what we need."
2. "The Wild Bunch" the big death scene at the end, with Ernest Borgnine sighing "Pike...Pike."
3. A lot of Michael Mann films seem to have at least a hint of this. "Heat." "Collateral." "The Insider." You could chalk it up to chauvinism, but Mann's attitude towards women isn't mean or insulting; he just doesn't have any idea what to do with them.
4. Sodebergh's Ocean movies.
5. "Platoon." That's right.

Top 5 DVD Commentary Tracks Redux

1. El Mariachi (Robert Rodriguez) - I think because I want to make movies but did not go to film school, this is the commentary that says I'm OK. Not only that, it tells me I'm better off, that I'm practically famous already, and that there is a direct correlation between not owning a good tripod and living in a castle surrounded by a moat.
2. Evil Dead (Bruce Campbell) - While Evil Dead 2 commentary is hillarious, Bruce's lone commentary is more insightful without Sam's one-liners (although they are missed).
3. Boogie Nights (P.T. Anderson) - P.T. states that he learned everything about making movies from watching laser disc commentaries. His commentary track is imbued with a sense of loving duty.
4. Citizen Kane (Roger Ebert) - Tough call between this track and Ebert's Cassablanca commentary. Both are a full throttle, non-stop education. There were two courses in college where I said to myself, "I would buy tickets on ticketmaster to attend a lecture by this guy." Citizen Kane commentary is such a class.
5. The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola) - I'm sure God, before writing the bible, started out with a notebook with a label on it saying "If found please return to God."

Suffer the little Spy Kids

Anthony Lane on "Sin City" in the New Yorker today:

"We have, it is clear, reached the lively dead end of a process that was initiated by a fretful Martin Scorsese and inflamed, with less embarrassed glee, by Tarantino: the process of knowing everything about violence and nothing about suffering."

Top 5 dvd commentary tracks

1. El Mariachi (Robert Rodriguez) - Robert's commentary on this dvd is the single-most educating piece of film teaching I have ever watched, heard, read or otherwise recieved.

2. This is Spinal Tap (David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, Derek Smalls) - I would go so far as to say this commentary track will make you laugh as often and as intensly as the film itself does.

3. Goodfellas (Henry Hill, Edward McDonald) - Nothing like watching Goodfellas with the real Henry Hill and the FBI agent that turned him into a star witness. Here is one classic exchange, in reference to Jimmy Conway:
McDonald - I understood why they called him Jimmy The Gent, even when I was prosecuting him and I'd see him in court he would always say hello and be very kind to me.
Hill- And we woulda killed you in a second if he got the chance.

4. The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola) - Francis Ford Coppola has a slight advantage right away over most directors' commentary tracks because he is giving commentary on the greatest film ever made. However, since he did make it, that's not entirely unfair. Though he doesn't jam-pack it with info. like a Rodriguez track, the insight he gives is exactly what you would expect from such a genius filmmaker.

5. Evil Dead 2 (Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell, Scott Spiegel, Greg Nicotero) - This track is a pure pleasure, it'll keep a smile on your face from start to finish. Raimi is full of his usual hilarious one-liners, Campbell is a terrific storyteller as always, Nicotero (being from the makeup/special effects department) adds an interesting angle to the commentary, and Spiegel (despite his tendency to be a bit annoying at times) is the last ingredient in this classic commentary combination.