Actors Get the Chicks, Not Writers

Like Marty McFly, Owen Wilson has jumped ship. Yes, he left the USS Anderson years ago and Slate is just catching up. Who can blame Owen for taking the easierier/wealthier/more chick-laden route as a romantic comedy lead instead of a co-writer of real human comedies ala Marshall Brickman.

Owen jumped ship in the port of paradise and ended up hitting his head on an iceberg in the south pole. And as the penguins marched past, they took turns kicking him in the balls as he lay in a pool of his own money and improvisations.

Wedding Crashers is the worst movie of the year. Wedding Crashers is the second worst movie of the last ten years after Robot Stories, in which, "like [with] all excellent movies... the focus never strays from the human heart"--Peter Hartlaub.

"People say we only use 10 percent of our brains, I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts." Owen has become his character in the Wedding Crashers, leaving his real job to crash bad romantic comedies in order to pick up chicks with corny improvisations.

I almost walked out of Wedding Crashers after almost puking on the seat next to me. It is the kind of movie that Hollywood makes because it thinks Americans are stupid and knows they are amoral. It espouses the Catholic idea that you can sin your whole life and go to heaven if you repent. That's what Americans do, they screw over their neighbors, they fuck their friends and business partners in the ass (and not in a good way) and then they find true love and turn over a new leaf. Then they get divorced and the world bends over again. Wedding Crashers says that true love is out there and as long as you get it, it doesn't matter how you get it, because once you get it, your sins are washed away. If you see a woman from across the room that is so attractive that she just might be "the one" it is your right and duty to get her "by any means necessary" because true love is the ultimate end and ultimate good and to arrive there, your sins will disintegrate. Rape the girl, murder her other suitors, its all fair game. If she smiles but walks away, she smiled, she knows she wants it. If she is not the one, no harm done, you're just another asshole free to repent at some future date.

Gays are horrible, mentally deranged lunatics; women are dumber than rocks and nails; smooth-talking, good-looking amoral men are OK as long as they are heterosexual and commit vice in pursuit of the one female that God has chosen for them. This is a movie that American businessmen would love and Owen Wilson should be ashamed of.